On Writing and Remembering

“I’m a writer.”

That’s what I always tell people who ask me what I do. Writing is also what people say that I do best. I’ve always loved writing–in my diary, at the back of my notebook, on my desk. I didn’t dream to be a writer, I just became one. However, there are days when I feel like even writing doesn’t like me. Tonight is one of those.

I got my 6-year-old laptop back from my sister that’s why I’m writing tonight. I usually spend my time at home just browsing my Facebook feed in my phone, but tonight is different. I have this note in my office laptop that has been pinned on my desktop since last month. It says, “I need to write today.”

Yes, writing is a need, not a want. It keeps me sane, especially when there are lots of things going on in my head. I write when I’m in transit, in the bathroom, on my bed. I write things down not because I want to. I write because I need to remember. I have poor memory, and writing my thoughts down is one of the best ways to not forget. I write to remember.

I remember writing everything. Even the text messages of my high school crush, in verbatim, including the date and time it was sent to me. I remember writing down the entire conversation I had with my phone pal, right after we hung up. I remember writing down an article that eventually went viral, while inside a cramped MRT train. My memories become more vivid when I read my writings.

“I’m a writer, and I will write about you.” I remember telling a guy this line. I love writing about people I met. How I met them, the exact words we said to each other, the feelings I had. When I write about people, it means they mean a lot to me. When I write about you, it means I will remember you for the rest of my life. I will write about the way you made me feel, and no one should ever read what I wrote about you — except maybe my sisters.

I’m happy that this whole thing I’m writing down is all about writing. I missed writing, and I miss this feeling. The free flow of words from my head to my hands, my thoughts become text and I cannot stop. I don’t want to stop. I write what comes to mind and no one cares. The world continues to revolve and I’m lost in typing this next sentence.

Writing has been helping me pay my bills. It’s a job I love doing, but sometimes, writing becomes tiring when there are so many things to consider. Would they like this? Would they approve this? Is this good enough for them? I hate thinking about what my readers would feel when they read my work. I usually just want to write to write, not to be read. Cliche, but I want to write just to express, not to impress. And I hate proofreading my own writing.

Yes, I’m a writer, and I love it. I love writing the way I love biking during weekends. I love writing as much as I love Stephen King. I love writing as much as I love traveling. I love to write because I love to remember. I love writing because I love reading stories. I love writing because I am a writer. And yes, I will write about you.







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